Just turn it off!

Why life has to suck so bad?? I keep wondering what's happened to me to be this way. I cannot be happy about anything, all I want to do is cry and, I don't know. It's more than just boredom, I don't know what to do! I wish I had something to make me wanna wake up in the morning, but there's nothing. A whole fucking nothing. I just keep hoping for something to come in to my life and make me smile, but all I get are kinda funny sitcoms that give a sort of hollow smile, hollow laugh, hollow everything. Yeah, yeah, there are people really suffering in the world and all that, but how come they are still happy? And I can't seem to find anything in this so called lucky life to make me wanna live? I'm just afraid to die because of my mother, I love her and I couldn't bear the thought of leaving her all alone. I'm scared of losing her but I cannot find something that makes me stay here if she doesn't exist anymore. I just wish...so many things. But sometimes, I think none of this would be enough, none of this would make me happy, none of this would make me stop crawling out of my skin.
Funny expression, there isn't an accurate translation in Portuguese, but is exactly how I feel. When nothing is enough, nothing is good, nothing is everything you have.